My Story So Far (4)

 I don't know how to start. My life has been a constant struggle and chaos. There has been no real person in my life or maybe I am so toxic that no one wants to stay in my life. When I reflect back to my past all I can see is stupid mistakes and parental pressure. In middle school, I was a people pleaser. I used to be very nice with people so that I could have their attention Back then I was very low on self-esteem. And I used to judge myself. Constantly cared about what others think of me. Well, I think I haven't changed much except for the fact that I don't care much about people because I realized people don't even stay in your life. And what they think is not at all your business.

When I was in fifth class, I was obsessed with barbie movies. And that obsession grew into very deep sadness. I don't know how to explain that feeling. It was not only barbie movies there were few celebrities and at one point dinosaurs too!. That feeling may or may not last long. But that time u compare your life with that celebrity and feel shit about yourself. And you constantly watch and try to learn and read every detail about them. That feeling sucks!

And yes another thing that comes to my mind when I look back at my past life Is that I have been always stressed. I used to stress about my exams very badly. I spent 3 consecutive nights without proper sleeping. I was not much of a bright student and never can be!.

The thing is my past has been very tragic from family problems (that are still there and will be there as long as my father is alive) to exams and whatnot.

I feel life is full of painful and hard days but it is also full of happiness and freedom. Right now I just feel like dying. I am going through the worst time of my life. I don't even feel like crying. People say oh you are gonna be okay. Your life will get better soon. Just stay positive and Blah blah... I am so tired of all that. I don't know why am I living seriously. For what and for whom. Well, I would just like to end this shitty summary of my life with this amazing quote I read recently Suicide is not cowardly. I will tell you what's cowardly. Treating people so bad that they end their lives. -Ashley purdy

My Life So Far (2)

 

I was never happy, my family is one of them which is just not meant to be together, my father is abusive and he controls everything, from my hairstyle to what kind of clothes I must wear. I have lost my confidence because of my dark childhood memories, I was bullied the entire time in school and my father used to tell my teachers to be hard on me. My entire life until college was fucked up. I was born and bought up by my grandparents, and when I moved back to my father's house, there were fights every day. I was tired of seeing my mom crying the whole time. At school, I was made to realize how dumb, ugly, and poor I was. I had no friends because all the beautiful rich kids were grouped together. I used to see girls with their boyfriends and used to feel inferior. During my 9th grade, my math teacher told me she felt pity for my parents for the kind of kid I was. My result went down and my grades were drowning.

I had to decide something for myself, I started working hard, I used to complete all the lessons at home before the teacher taught us in school. My math teacher for 10th grade was a very kind woman who believed in me and would praise me for my hard work. I somehow managed to get into the top 15 kids of my grade. During my high school, puberty hit me pretty well and I could sense the boys getting into me, surely I was desperate but never dated anyone till I got into one of the top colleges of my country.

 After I went to college I realized there was a life beyond those dark memories of my school childhood and of course boys.

 My father never stopped his abusive behavior, he still hates me, my mom and my siblings always have my back and are very supportive. I am glowing and growing with time. 

At one point in my life, I was attempting suicide and here I am today, totally live and a better version of myself and very much thankful for everything that has happened till now.

I have accepted the fact that life will never be easy, but I'll have to be stronger and there's no other way!

My Life So Far (1)

 

So here's the summary of my story.

I was a child who was born with a raging thunderstorm and an earthquake took place on my 1st birthday. I was an academically gifted child as well as a kid living the life of a prince but nothing lasts forever and night came which changed my life forever. It was the night of Karvachauth and I was excited to watch the World TV Premiere of Zindagi Naa Milegi Dobara but I had to sleep on time, so I fell asleep at 10 PM. At 2:30 AM, my sister woke me up and I was unable to open my eyes but when she said "Our father's no more," my sleep went away like I never slept. I thought it was a joke but no, it was the beginning of living nightmares. My relatives neglected us and acted like we died with him, my teachers started punishing for the mistakes I never committed and started demotivating and my friend has never been a friend, he confromconme and choke me to death, the teacher didn't even take it seriously whereas he ran away and hid in the crowd but I lied that I collapsed due to dizziness and that's how I saved him. My family and I used to starve all day and have a meal once a day in the evening only. Getting bullied by my classmates, friends, negligence, and punishments by my teachers and my family hating me made me committing more than 20 suicide attempts that failed miserably. I started following Satan (didn't worship, following, and worshipping got plenty of difference) and I was about to kill my sister due to that blind rage which made me realize that I'm wrong. I started searching for the answers by reading, learning and meditating and that's how I felt better. After dropping out of school at 16, I studied from correspondence as well as started working, juggling both, and adapting every knowledge possible from outside. I never got love from anyone, neither from family nor from others and in fact, not even the affection and individual craves for but somehow, I stood against everyone and everything, became full of rage, and decided to survive and achieve everything in life because it's me against the world battling. People broke me even though I gave them a hand to make them better but nevermind, that's life and sh*t happens. I made a song once in my mind and got my suicidal self very much calm and determined I'm 22 now and my only wish is to achieve success in life and die like a legend. The day I'll get them both will be the last day of my nightmares and my life. I was born like a prodigy but I'll die like a legend.

This is the short story (and probably a summarised one) of The Most Hated Man Alive.

Dear Me

Dear Me,

I know you are trying your best, I know how you feel. I know how broken you are, I know how terrible it is when the people who should be there with you, hate you. I know how much you tried in every toxic relation you met with.  I know you stood there as a superhuman when they blamed you for every error in their code. 

But you were so strong, you were like steel every time they attacked you. No matter what happened you were there for yourself. You never gave up. You never stopped loving yourself enough. You were just everything you needed. 

You have changed with time so much and you are growing stronger every second. You won't need anyone I promise, they will need you, they will envy you. They will run after you!

Because all these times when you were growing stronger and brighter they were busy pulling others down.

Never Care About Other People's Opinions

 John or anyone does not like mashed potatoes and doesn't like sunsets. Does it have anything to do with you? No. And then John comes to you and says I really don't like you. He says I don't like the way you speak or cuss words that you say. Well okay, that is John's opinion that's how he feels but it has nothing to do with you.

"What will people think of me is actually none of my business."

 So when John says he doesn't like mashed potatoes do you get offended?

 No not. 

But when he says I don't like your hair and he is speaking directly to you.

 Do you start to feel a little bit worthless or not enough because everyone has worth issues and it comes from a lot of different places.

 It can come from your parents ( the average child is repeated eight times more than they are praised). But soon people and children learn that their natural state is not good and it doesn't fit in the world and it's not good enough for my parents they only love me when I am acting the way they want me to act. We all have a little bit of a few worth issues. So people have to buy new houses, cars. Their opinions have nothing to do with us and their opinions are none of your business. And that's really the way we should start looking at things.

 And what happens is when somebody says something we take it the wrong way.

 Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

 So if someone makes you feel inferior it's not their fault it's your fault.

 You went in public and someone cusses and you hate cuss words.

 Well, why do you hate cuss words? Is it because you actually hate cuss words or is it because you were taught to hate them? Maybe you have been taught that good people don't cuss or you have to be quiet and not seen or heard.

 And maybe you don't use the 'f' word or 's' word because it makes you sound unintelligent. Do you feel that there are smarter words than cussing? And if you are getting offended by what someone is saying you are giving up control of your life to other people's words then people are controlling you.

 You are changing the way you feel by something that is coming out of their mouths or sounds coming out of their face. We have to control ourselves more than to care about others' opinions.

 If someone has a problem with you that's their problem. That's not your problem. If you are living your true self and if someone is offended by the way you are living or in the house you live or car you drive or people that you love, the way you act dress or talk. That's not your issue that's their issue. The worse that you can do is dim your light to make other people feel a certain way around you; to make others not offended. If you are acting your trust it's the most beautiful authentic and amazing version of yourself as long as you are not trying to hurt anyone. There are tons of authentic versions of yourself. Everybody's different you don't have to fit the mold that society says you have to fit. You don't have to fit the mold that your mom tells you to fit.

 So express your truest you and if people have problems with it that's their problem. John does not like you. No big deal. Because if John doesn't like mash potatoes that's his problem as well. So be the truest version of yourself. Strip away what society has told you to be.

Powerful morning routine! 🌄🌞🌝☀

How you feel in the morning decides how you are going to feel the day ahead?

 Most humans forget that we are animals. We are animalistic by nature. The best way to change your life is to change your morning. If you have a really great morning you are gonna have a really great day.

So the point of having a morning routine is to be intentional and be proactive with your life

versus just being reactive with your life.

 So I'm going to give you a simple and powerful way to

start off your day.

You know I love acronyms and here is one of my favorites from a book I read recently called

“The Miracle Morning”.

"SAVERS"

S - silence (meditation, self-reflection).

just for twenty minutes is enough. I know there are many people who are hyperactive and it's

hard for them to sit at one place or . they get distracted easily or drift off to another world. Well,

it's totally fine... I had a quite hard time doing it too. But at least try meditation for five minutes or

three. And don't get mad if you are unable to do it. Through daily practice, you will start enjoying

it.

Reflection is another beautiful practice. Reflect upon your thoughts and actions. I usually do it

when I am alone and when there's rainy or gloomy weather outside. Asking yourself questions

like what did I learn from that challenging situation? What really matters to me? How can I be

better? can also help you.

A- Affirmations or incantations.

good enough already. Say it fifty times a minimum. Look in the mirror straight into your dead

eyes. You may say it loud or in your Mind but say it as you mean it. There is a really nice book

to help you with affirmations called You can heal your life by Louise hay. This book is

life-changing. It has a variety of affirmations to help you in every area of your life. Affirmations

can help you get rid of health problems too!! Isn't that great?

V- Visualization.

an effective way of visualizing is to believe that the thing you wanted has been already done and

you are expressing gratitude for that.

E- Exercise.

like jumping jacks, skipping, push-ups can help. You only need to get your heart racing.

R- Reading

very crucial. And reading books can help you grow so much. Choose a book of your choice.and

try to read five pages or more daily.

Self-help books, biographies of successful people, philosophical, spiritual books will expand

your knowledge very much.

S- Scribble

day, gratitude writing, goals for next week, or month.

This is it. All about the savers. So what are you excited about among these?

Take a cold shower every morning if you want to change your life. When you take a cold shower

you feel like you are freaking on top of the world.

Dominate the little voice in your head that keeps saying you are not good enough.

Have a shower playlist. Listen to positive and motivating songs. Songs which make you dance

and make you feel really good.

Brainwash yourself in the morning on how you wanna feel. Brainwash yourself by the music that

you listen to when you have that song stuck in your head and you sing it over and over again.

Music is just an affirmation.

Then get out your shower and what do you do?? You freaking dance. Dance around naked inside

of your bathroom.

Jumping up and down has a ton of different benefits. It flushes your lavatic system.

Look at yourself in the mirror and smile and jump. Just do it.

And say: Whatever it is in my life. Whatever it is that I'm trying to create I'm going to create and

nothing is going to stop me because I have a mentality of a tiger.

You are a freakin tiger. When you are going to walk in a room where you don't know anybody

then walk into that room like a tiger cuz a tiger would walk like a bitch!! Not caring about

anything.

Melatonin control tip: if you wake up and look at the blue sky. The receptors in your brain will

stop making melatonin which will make you feel less sleepy. Look at the sky for two minutes.

Sun can help too!